Geez, I'd be happy to find someone with a good attitude, a solid work
ethic, and the desire and aptitude to learn. 
Don't get HR to do that sort of screening. They suck mightily at it. I
lack any sort of HR department to get in the way, and I'm glad of it -- I
don't see the value in having someone who doesn't know anything about the
job get in the way of finding the right person for it. Sure, get 'em to do
the scutwork of posting job ads, collating resumes, scheduling things and
sending the "lolz no!" responses, but actually filtering? Nah, I'll do that
bit thanks. If you have to have HR do a filter call, make it *really*
simple, like "What does TCP stand for?" -- sadly, you'll still probably
filter out half the applicants for a senior position...
- Matt
I've noticed a strong correlation between people who don't know what acronyms
stand for, and competence. People who don't know anything try and figure out
what the acronym stands for - people who want to understand things see it as
just a place holder.
Myself, I'm stumbling.. is TCP like GNU (GNU's Not Unix) and someting like TCP
Control Protocol. Or is it Transmission Contrl Protocol? Or is it something
else all together.
Really at the end of the day - it doesn't matter.
Maybe it's more significant to ask what the difference between TCP and UDP is.
One thing people seem to like to bring up again and again is subnetting questions,
which to me seem quite simple on the surface - but can get a little more
complicated. Like when you have a /24 subnet routed to a customer, how many IP
addresses can they use? 254? 253? To my thinking - if it's a routed subnet that
means the gateway is on a different address, and it'd be prudent to still have the
double broadcast addresses. It is also possible to utilise all 256 addresses.
I think where the most significant differences lie isn't in how people can answer
verbal or written questions with simple problems but in how quickly people can
diagnose complicated of confusing situations.
Although often there are steps people can take to mitigate against such, things like
foreign DHCP server on the network. Someone stealing the gateway's IP address leading
to intermittent connectivity, but still being able to ping the gateway, and other hosts
on the network just not outside the network some of the time. Routing loops, incorrect
subnet masks. (like when people stick a /24 netmask on a /27 then can't reach another
adjacent /27)
I think that anyone reasonable competent should be able to figure these things out - but
by seeing how they approach these things, how quickly they can diagnose, and fix, and
what level of disruption they cause trying to fix the problem are all significant.
Like in the someone stealing gateway address - say there's a file server, printer etc on
the local subnet, and people are busy working, then it's probably better not being able
to access the larger network, and to keep the local connectivity, but some people seem
to have the idea when things aren't working quite right that it's ok to disrupt what is
working right.
Ben.
Die proxy arp die. (and that's not German).
I've had a job or consulting gig or two that has inadvertently had this as the hidden glue making things work.
(wha, you can't route that subnet out an Ethernet interface without a next hop? It's always worked....)
I fight with sysadmins to this day about the concept of a broadcast domain and subnet... If I hear another case of someone saying that switch is the "80" subnet when there are 3 co-existing /24s in that domain I may go crazy....
I've cleaned up a lot of poor host and network management and it's amazing how much a difference the hardware operates without the hacks.
Jared Mauch
There can be hidden down sides to trying that. I tried to use all 17
addresses from my Cox Business Internet /28 (the 16 in the /28 and the
"router's" external address). Rigged it as a /24 inside and used proxy
arp to move the outside addresses back out including the fake .1
default gateway that the router offered arp for but didn't hold.
Only the first 16 of the 17 addresses worked. Which 16? Why, the first
16 the cable modem saw a packet from after power-on.
Made for some interesting debugging.
Regards,
Bill Herrin
> > From: Jason Baugher <jason@thebaughers.com>
> >
> > Geez, I'd be happy to find someone with a good attitude, a solid work
> > ethic, and the desire and aptitude to learn.
> > ---------------------------------------
> >
> >
> > Yeah, that. But how do you get those folks through the HR
> > process to you, so you can decipher their skill/work ethic
> > level? What can the HR person ask to find out if someone
> > has these qualities? OSPF LSA type questions will not help.
>
> Don't get HR to do that sort of screening. They suck mightily at it. I
> lack any sort of HR department to get in the way, and I'm glad of it -- I
> don't see the value in having someone who doesn't know anything about the
> job get in the way of finding the right person for it. Sure, get 'em to do
> the scutwork of posting job ads, collating resumes, scheduling things and
> sending the "lolz no!" responses, but actually filtering? Nah, I'll do that
> bit thanks. If you have to have HR do a filter call, make it *really*
> simple, like "What does TCP stand for?" -- sadly, you'll still probably
> filter out half the applicants for a senior position...I've noticed a strong correlation between people who don't know what acronyms
stand for, and competence. People who don't know anything try and figure out
what the acronym stands for - people who want to understand things see it as
just a place holder.
[...]
Maybe it's more significant to ask what the difference between TCP and UDP is.
Yes, the difference between TCP and UDP is a much better question to ask,
but having HR assess and act on the answer to the question is a whole hell
of a lot harder. In many ways, *that's* the tough bit of finding a good
screening question. Finding good interview questions *in general* isn't all
that hard. With a good senior candidate my interview questions could just
be bringing up problems I've recently solved or am currently wrestling with,
and having a 30 minute conversation on the problem. I'll get a very good
idea of someone's domain knowledge and problem-solving skills by doing that.
But there's no way I can ask HR to do that, because they don't know how to
assess the answer, and as previously demonstrated ("fragmented disks",
indeed), you can't have HR act as scribe and relay the answer to you,
because they'll get it wrong, and the interesting bit is the *conversation*,
not the canned single-shot answer.
That's my motivation for asking a question as inane as "What does TCP stand
for?" -- it has an overwhelmingly obvious answer that can be verified in a
second or two by someone who really doesn't know anything about what they're
asking. Give a candidate 10 of those sorts of questions over the phone from
an HR drone, if they score 8-or-better (for instance) they pass and you get
to see their resume. That is, of course, assuming your organisation is so
screwed up that they won't let you at candidates directly (which is still my
preferred option -- leave HR to do the paperwork).
- Matt
From: Jason Baugher <jason@thebaughers.com>
Geez, I'd be happy to find someone with a good attitude, a solid work
ethic, and the desire and aptitude to learn.
---------------------------------------Yeah, that. But how do you get those folks through the HR
process to you, so you can decipher their skill/work ethic
level? What can the HR person ask to find out if someone
has these qualities? OSPF LSA type questions will not help.Don't get HR to do that sort of screening. They suck mightily at it. I
lack any sort of HR department to get in the way, and I'm glad of it -- I
don't see the value in having someone who doesn't know anything about the
job get in the way of finding the right person for it. Sure, get 'em to do
the scutwork of posting job ads, collating resumes, scheduling things and
sending the "lolz no!" responses, but actually filtering? Nah, I'll do that
bit thanks. If you have to have HR do a filter call, make it *really*
simple, like "What does TCP stand for?" -- sadly, you'll still probably
filter out half the applicants for a senior position...I've noticed a strong correlation between people who don't know what acronyms
stand for, and competence. People who don't know anything try and figure out
what the acronym stands for - people who want to understand things see it as
just a place holder.[...]
Maybe it's more significant to ask what the difference between TCP and UDP is.
Yes, the difference between TCP and UDP is a much better question to ask,
but having HR assess and act on the answer to the question is a whole hell
of a lot harder. In many ways, *that's* the tough bit of finding a good
screening question. Finding good interview questions *in general* isn't all
that hard. With a good senior candidate my interview questions could just
be bringing up problems I've recently solved or am currently wrestling with,
and having a 30 minute conversation on the problem. I'll get a very good
idea of someone's domain knowledge and problem-solving skills by doing that.
But there's no way I can ask HR to do that, because they don't know how to
assess the answer, and as previously demonstrated ("fragmented disks",
indeed), you can't have HR act as scribe and relay the answer to you,
because they'll get it wrong, and the interesting bit is the *conversation*,
not the canned single-shot answer.
Not so much, if you ask it in a slightly different way....
"If it isn't important that you get absolutely every packet, but it is vital that your
packets be delivered without delay, would you prefer to use TCP or UDP?"
HR can ask that. HR can easily evaluate the answer... TCP: Wrong, UDP: Right.
Other interesting selections: Please choose either TCP or UDP (with a note
to the potential interviewer that this person may be very creative, very smart
or may simply have difficulty following directions)
Spending a little time crafting the questions can pay tremendous dividends.
That's my motivation for asking a question as inane as "What does TCP stand
for?" -- it has an overwhelmingly obvious answer that can be verified in a
second or two by someone who really doesn't know anything about what they're
asking. Give a candidate 10 of those sorts of questions over the phone from
an HR drone, if they score 8-or-better (for instance) they pass and you get
to see their resume. That is, of course, assuming your organisation is so
screwed up that they won't let you at candidates directly (which is still my
preferred option -- leave HR to do the paperwork).
I think there are better questions and ways to ask them that work even for HR
than acronym memorization. I say this as one who could both correctly
configure a router _AND_ probably score nearly 100% on the acronym test.
Owen
> > > From: Jason Baugher <jason@thebaughers.com>
> > >
> > > Geez, I'd be happy to find someone with a good attitude, a solid work
> > > ethic, and the desire and aptitude to learn.
> > > ---------------------------------------
> > >
> > >
> > > Yeah, that. But how do you get those folks through the HR
> > > process to you, so you can decipher their skill/work ethic
> > > level? What can the HR person ask to find out if someone
> > > has these qualities? OSPF LSA type questions will not help.
> >
> > Don't get HR to do that sort of screening. They suck mightily at it. I
> > lack any sort of HR department to get in the way, and I'm glad of it -- I
> > don't see the value in having someone who doesn't know anything about the
> > job get in the way of finding the right person for it. Sure, get 'em to do
> > the scutwork of posting job ads, collating resumes, scheduling things and
> > sending the "lolz no!" responses, but actually filtering? Nah, I'll do that
> > bit thanks. If you have to have HR do a filter call, make it *really*
> > simple, like "What does TCP stand for?" -- sadly, you'll still probably
> > filter out half the applicants for a senior position...
>
> I've noticed a strong correlation between people who don't know what acronyms
> stand for, and competence. People who don't know anything try and figure out
> what the acronym stands for - people who want to understand things see it as
> just a place holder.[...]
> Maybe it's more significant to ask what the difference between TCP and UDP is.
Yes, the difference between TCP and UDP is a much better question to ask,
but having HR assess and act on the answer to the question is a whole hell
of a lot harder. In many ways, *that's* the tough bit of finding a good
screening question.
<snip>
Indeed. I was once filtered out of a sysadmin job at a big search engine company.
They asked questions like:
What system call does the ls command make?
I didn't know, but said you could read the source or strace to find out.
They asked me to describe what ARP is.
I basically talked about what an ARP table is and went into detail about "who-has" requests for building the table etc...
and more questions like that. They seemed lost and didn't seem to know what I was talking about. It was at this point I realized that I was talking to an HR screener. The conversation was awkward from this point on as I struggled to attempt to guess what might be on the piece of paper as "The Right Answer". Needless to say I didn't hear back. Was I what they were looking for? Maybe, maybe not. But I was screened out before either of us could find out. Just as well, I'm much happier where I am now. 
Finding good interview questions *in general* isn't all
that hard. With a good senior candidate my interview questions could just
be bringing up problems I've recently solved or am currently wrestling with,
and having a 30 minute conversation on the problem. I'll get a very good
idea of someone's domain knowledge and problem-solving skills by doing that.
But there's no way I can ask HR to do that, because they don't know how to
assess the answer, and as previously demonstrated ("fragmented disks",
indeed), you can't have HR act as scribe and relay the answer to you,
because they'll get it wrong, and the interesting bit is the *conversation*,
not the canned single-shot answer.
Definitely. I like the describe difference between UDP/TCP question. Another fave of mine is "Give me a list of various acronyms and its associated port" and give them HTTP/80 as an example. Many interviews end shortly after this one.
That's my motivation for asking a question as inane as "What does TCP stand
for?" -- it has an overwhelmingly obvious answer that can be verified in a
second or two by someone who really doesn't know anything about what they're
asking. Give a candidate 10 of those sorts of questions over the phone from
an HR drone, if they score 8-or-better (for instance) they pass and you get
to see their resume. That is, of course, assuming your organisation is so
screwed up that they won't let you at candidates directly (which is still my
preferred option -- leave HR to do the paperwork).
+1
The best path is to have HR report the answer verbatim for the hiring manager to do the assessing. Then the hiring manager can decide which candidates proceed to the next level of interviews.
jc
Two problems there:
* We've already had mention made in this thread of the problems associated
  with HR attempting to record, verbatim, an answer provided by a candidate.
  Unless all your HR phone screeners are experienced stenographers (who, I
  will note, can typically command salaries far in excess of HR associates),
  their chances of getting an accurate record of a candidate's statements is
  slim.
* If you're going to have to carefully examine each candidate's answers
  *anyway*, why not just get on the phone screen with them in the first
  place, and get HR out of the picture? At least that way you're not
  wasting money paying for HR people, and you can do a far more in-depth
  interview because you're there, in real-time, to ask follow-up questions.
- Matt
Yeah. We tried "write down verbatim" - epic fail.
This was why we spent man-months of top level consultant time coming up with ( and fixing and evolving ) lists of twentyish questions per discipline with only one right answer and an answer the recruiter could tell was right or not.
It's not easy. If you screen a thousand plus people a year it's a super win. If you screen ten or twenty you may just want your techie interviewer to do the short screen rather than figure out how the recruiter can.
George William Herbert
I don't know about you but my brain doesn't switch on a dime. I have
to *prepare* to conduct a phone interview. And afterward I have to
spool back up on whatever task I was working on. If a screening
question can cut many candidates who I'll know in 5 minutes aren't the
one, that saves me a lot more time than just the 5 minutes on the
phone.
Plus, frankly, I don't enjoy conducting interviews. It's necessary but
I find it stressful. Where I can avoid it with minimal risk of missing
the individual I actually want to hire, that makes me happy.
Regards,
Bill Herrin
[snip]
Conversation should be recorded, then they don't have to write out
the full text
Asking a HR agent to vet a candidate's technical credentials, beyond
verification of identity/history/certs, is like asking a blind
person to administer a vision test.
Possibly it can be done, but only within a very rigid framework
requiring very little flexibility or knowledge from the test
administrator.
The HR agent should make it clear that the question is a screening question,
to be answered as-is to their ability, and a short easily-recordable
answer is expected.
The ideal screening question should be either presented as multiple
choice, or a question where a one word or one-sentence answer is
expected.
That can be written down very easily, and correctness/incorrectness
should be obvious.
Instead of asking for a definition of TCP, provide the definition,
and ask for the one word or one number answer.
"When a number received in an IP packet is presented in network byte
order, and the host architecture is big endian, what must be done to
convert the number into host byte order?"
(one word answer)
"What commonly used protocol uses IP datagrams to provide a reliable transport?"
(one word answer)
"What IP protocol number has IANA assigned protocol number 1 to?"
(one word answer)
"The TCP/UDP port numbers below what number are considered well-known,
and can only be bound by administrative users?"
(one number answer)
"What version of the IP datagram protocol is most widely deployed?"
(one number answer)
"How many bits are there in an IPv4 address?"
(one two-digit number answer)
"Host bits in an IPv4 address correspond to the bits in the network
mask set to what value?"
(one single-digit number answer)
"Is 192.168.0.256 a valid ip address for a host on a private intranet?"
  (one yes/no answer)
"Is 172.16.12.3 ?"
  (one yes/no answer)
"What's the problem with using 255.255.255.247 as a subnet mask if you
want to make a LAN subnet with 12 hosts?"
  (5 word answer)
"What TCP header flag should be set on the first packet sent by a
connection initiator as part of a 3-way handshake?"
  (one word answer)
"What TCP destination port numbers should be allowed through the
perimeter stateful firewall device to and from a mail server whose
only purpose is to proxy SMTP mail from internal sources?"
(one number answer)
....
"What's the problem with using 255.255.255.247 as a subnet mask if you
want to make a LAN subnet with 12 hosts?"
(5 word answer)
Unemployment Office Is That Way ->
Is the only 5 word answer I could come up with. The correct answer "invalid netmask", is only two words.
"What TCP destination port numbers should be allowed through the
perimeter stateful firewall device to and from a mail server whose
only purpose is to proxy SMTP mail from internal sources?"
(one number answer)
Short Answer: There is no answer to the question that can be expressed in one number.
Outbound connections to TCP destination port 25 only. Returning traffic (including associated ICMP) should be automatically handled by your stateful inspection firewall. If not, you need to buy a better firewall.
Any applicant who provides any answer should the rejected out of hand as (a) being unable to read (b) being a threat to security.
Unless, of course, you have misphrased the question.
<snip>....
"When a number received in an IP packet is presented in
network byte
order, and the host architecture is big endian, what
must be done to
convert the number into host byte order?"
(one word answer)
My response would be to have a field-day with HR talking about MSB and LSB.
Certainly wouldn't be a one-word answer. So HR disqualifies me?
"What's the problem with using 255.255.255.247 as a subnet
mask if you
want to make a LAN subnet with 12 hosts?"
(5 word answer)
My response would be: Discontiguous subnet masks were allowed in the pre-CIDR era. If you so desire, give me about 2 hours since I do not have a scientific calculator handy; and I will get back to you with the complete-list.
Definitely not 5 words as required from the HR stand point. So I get disqualified again!
./Randy
> "What's the problem with using 255.255.255.247 as a subnet mask if you
> want to make a LAN subnet with 12 hosts?"
> (5 word answer)
I'm not sure if that's a typo or excessive evil on the part of the questioner. 
My response would be: Discontiguous subnet masks were allowed in the pre-CIDR era.
Yes, but even if it was *legal*, the "subnet doesn't contain 12 addresses" answer applies.
> "What's the problem with using 255.255.255.247 as a subnet
> mask if you want to make a LAN subnet with 12 hosts?"
> (5 word answer)
My response would be: Discontiguous subnet masks were allowed in the pre-CIDR
era. If you so desire, give me about 2 hours since I do not have a scientific
calculator handy; and I will get back to you with the complete-list.
Definitely not 5 words as required from the HR stand point. So I get
disqualified again!
Hehehe. Ok. So if this was 1986 then the answer would be:
No Hosts on the Network.
There is only 1 host bit, and both available addresses would be reserved for the directed-broadcast and subnet-broadcast address respectively, leaving no space for an actual host, let alone 12 of them.
Chris began to
waddle slowly to his room, his huge, full balls hanging heavily
between his legs. His flaccid anaconda had begun to swell again, and
the added weight of his growing member was making it increasingly
more difficult to move quickly. After his ungainly shuffle to the
Tupelos, Chris was again faced with the challenge of getting up the
stairs. While he had much more support than last time, and two free
hands, his ballsack was even fuller and heavier, and his rod was
slowly but insistently growing. Chris sighed and began the arduous
climb up the stairs, as other boys passed him in both directions with
annoyance. Swinging each leg up and around a package which easily
weighed twenty five pounds or more was hard work. Chris was sweating
by the time he reached the second floor. OK,
so maybe I do get the food to go, and bulk up my balls after I get up
the stairs.
Chris shambled down
the hall to his room, his groin growing heavier and more insistent
with each step. By the time he reached the door, he was leaning
forward with the increasing weight between his legs. He fumbled with
the key until he got the door unlocked, and staggered into the room,
pushing it closed behind him.
Gotta get these
pants off, now!Chris slipped off the suspenders and let his baggy pants drop to the
ground. He hobbled across the room with the pants around his ankles,
towards his bed. He eased off each shoe with the other foot, and the
loose pants slipped off as well. Chris winced as he pulled the
waistband of the spandex down over his stiffening cock and swollen
balls. Trying to get the spandex off as his python continued to grow
was an exercise in frustration. Finally, both his full, massive
nutsack and his thickening cock were both free.
Chris hefted his
balls onto the bed and sighed in relief. Whoooo.
Heavy.His colossal rod, now resting comfortably between his nuts, continued
to grow, now quickly swelling free from confinement. Chris patted it
fondly. Oh,
yeahâŚGrow big for me.With his meat resting on the bed, Chris had an idea. He stepped
carefully around his bed, keeping his huge manhood supported on the
mattress. He reached over and snagged one of the laundry bags, and,
leaning far forward, slid the bag over his throbbing cock. Chris slid
the smooth fabric down his huge girth, the sensation driving him
wild. Then he pulled the drawstring taut at the base of his shaft. Hopefully
this will keep the cleanup to a minimum.
Then, standing at
the foot of the bed, Chris climbed onto his bed on his knees, sliding
his hard cock along the bed in front of him. His gigantic sack
flopped against his thighs, and his dick bumped gently across the
sheets, driving him wild. Chris stopped and reached forward for his
pillows. He sandwiched his thirty inch monster between his pillows,
resting it on one, and squeezing the other pillow firmly across the
top of his shaft. A substantial portion of his fuckstick protruded
beyond the pillows. Damn!
I should have bought two body pillows for this.Chris leaned forward, pressing down on the sides of the pillows,
clamping his prick between them. Chris began to pump his hips,
fucking his pillows. The laundry bag was smooth enough to allow his
cock to slide back and forth, and the pressure he exterted was like a
firm grasp all over a foot or more of his dick. Unh!
Feels pretty good.Chris began to pump harder, thrusting his hips harder and sliding as
much of his meat between the pillows as he could. Unh,
Uhn. Yeah. This feels goooood.As his pleasure built up towards climax, Chris began thrusting as
fast as he could, feeling his huge sack slap against his thighs with
each thrust.
âUnnnnnnh!â The
first flood of cum surged out of his cock, and Chris could feel its
warm wetness oozing around the head of his dick. Ohhh,
yeah.He continued to thrust as his huge organ pumped out more and more
jizz. Each eruption of cum gushed out of his massive cock and
spattered into the bag. A dozen or more surges later, Chrisâs
orgasm subsided. The laundry bag was sloshing with a pint or more of
Chrisâs spunk.The fabric seemed to be containing it well, though,
and there was no signs of leaking.
Chrisâs gigantic
prick, however, was still achingly erect and throbbing. His colossal
balls, swinging heavily from his groin, were still bloated with an
almost full load, and he felt no urge to slow down. No sooner than
his first orgasm had subsided, Chris resumed thrusting his thick
shaft between the pillows. The cum-spattered bag was now warm and wet
and his arousal hadnât diminished a bit. Chris spread his legs a
bit wider and exulted in the feeling of his gargantuan nutsack
swaying heavily back and forth, gently brushing the covers. His first
flood of cum was soon followed by a second, equally enormous series
of ejaculations. Now the bag was filled with a quart or more of hot
semen, but Chris didnât feel the slightest bit sated. I
might as well just enjoy myself until Jen gets here. She wanted to
help me get to my biggest, so I shouldnât be too big when she gets
here.Without even a pause after his climax, Chris began thrusting again,
losing himself in the sensations from his giant cock. He didnât
even notice when the door opened, then closed, behind him.
Chris had his legs
spread wide apart and was furiously fucking the paired pillows with
his wrapped prick. Between the warm, wet fluid in the bag, and the
delicious feeling of his fat balls bouncing first against the
pillows, then against his thighs, Chris was completely oblivious. His
eyes were closed and he was fantasizing about an entire array of
erotic images:
⢠⢠â˘
Sitting in his
class with the two lesbians, wearing a stretchy pair of sweat pants
instead of his baggy black pants, and slowly popping a monstrous
boner as they stared in rapt fascination.
Sliding his
massive rod between Jenâs breasts, which had somehow swelled to the
size of large beachballs, yet remained round and bouncy.
Being jerked off
by Jen and Tasha and Kimber, their eager hands and soft mouths
delighting in his ample cock, the girls laughing as they shared their
prize.
Striding into the
dorm shower room totally nude with a full erection, as Javier, Kevin,
and the other jocks from the stairwell watched with awe, stroking
himself to orgasm after orgasm in the shower in front of them.
Barbie, totally
nude in the snack shop, licking his oversized cock head with gusto
while she spoon-fed him from an endless cup of creamy milkshake.
Tracy, clad only
in her red Target shirt, astride his huge dick, masturbating him with
her hands and legs on top of the customer service counter.
Greg and Terry
and Javier, urging him on, cheering, as he drenched a cowed and
subdued James with a limitless supply of thick, sticky jizz.
Persephone,
insatiable, gorging herself not on food, but on the delicious supply
of cum from his swollen balls, her stomach bulging with the vast
quantities she had devoured.
Jen, wide eyed
and adoring, murmuring to him as she kissed him, âGet big for me,
Chris. Get big. Get bigger. Get bigger.â
Seemingly
inexhaustible, Chris jerked himself off to a third massive orgasm,
then a fourth, and a fifth, and finally, a sixth. With each climax,
the bag grew fuller and fuller as his nuts pumped out a flood of
spunk. Though Chris never noticed, lost in his pleasure, at some
point before his sixth and final ejaculation, the door to the room
opened again and closed behind him. By the time he collapsed,
exhausted, onto his bed, the laundry bag was filled with over a
gallon of his thick, sticky seed, and his fat balls had shrunk in
mass to about half their maximum weight. Whew!
I need a breather! Chris
rolled to one side, feeling the heft of his cock and balls pulling
against his body as he did so. As he patted them contentedly, his
cell phone, on the dresser, rang loudly.
⢠⢠â˘
Part 63.
Chris tumbled out of
his bed, his softening cock flopping against his legs. He struggled
to hurry over to his phone with his bulky genitals swinging between
his legs. He grabbed the phone and blurted âHello?â
âHey, sweetie pie!
How is my big boy doing? Have you been a good boy, today?â It was
Jen, her voice bubbly and curious.
âJen! Hey! I was
just thinking about you!â And
Persephone, and Tracy, and Tasha, and Kimber, and Barbie⌠âWait.
How did you get my number? Uh, not that I mind, butâŚâ
âYou called the
pizza place, remember? The system captures all the phone calls to the
store, silly.â She snorted. âEither that or I Googled âbiggest
cock in the worldâ, and there you were on Wikipedia. Now, tell me
that you havenât been pigging out. Iâve been thinking all day
about watching you get bigger, and what I wanted to do when you were
at your very, very biggest for me.â Jenâs voice was very husky.
âNo! Iâm starving!
I canât wait to eat something. Iâm dying to see you.â Iâll
just tactfully omit the last few hours on that. I am starving right
now, so that part is all true.
âOh, sweetie! Iâm
dying to see you too. Iâm headed back home from school. Iâll just
stop and pick you up, if thatâs okay.â Chris indicated his
acquiescence. âChris, is there any chance I might get you to wear
your sweats instead of your baggy pants? Or maybe something a little
tighter?â, Jen asked eagerly.
Chris was flummoxed.
He wanted to make Jen happy, but he was really not looking forward to
showing off his oversized prick on campus. âUh, I donât really
have anything else that fits, Jen. I can wear some of my spandex
leggings under the pants for you. Those are really, really tight.
Would that be OK?â
âSweetie, I know
you are self-conscious about your size, but you should be showing it
off to the whole world, not just little olâ me. Anyway, itâs not
like Iâm going to parade you around town just yet. It would just be
the two of us at my apartment with my roommates.â
âWith Tasha and
Kimber?â Chris couldnât help himself. âReally?â
âWell, yeah.
I mean, itâs not like I can just bundle you into the apartment and
smuggle food into my bedroom for you. Tasha and Kimber live there,
too. Theyâre gonna want to actually meetyou eventually. I might be able to get away with dragging a boy into
the boudoir a few times, but having him over for dinner?
Introductions are in order, sweetie pie.â
âOh, yeah. I guess
that makes sense.â Despite his earlier fantasies, Chris was now
experiencing a bit of anxiety about being revealed to Jenâs
roommates. âItâs just that IâŚdonât have a second pair of
sweat pants. I usually wear those baggy black ones.â
âChris, sweetie,
three things. First, those arenât your sweat pants. You might have
gone to Belmont High, but you werenât on the lacrosse team.â Oh,
right. Team name on the leg,
Chris noted as he looked at the sweatpants strewn on the floor. Glad
Iâm dating Nancy Drew.
Jen continued, âSecond, I said I wanted to seeyou get to your biggest. I canât watch those gorgeous balls get all
fat and firm if youâre hiding them in your pants. Mmmm, Iâve been
thinking about that alllll day.â
Me too! thought
Chris. However, he asked, âWhat was the third thing?â
Jen stammered for a
second, seemingly interrupted in her train of thought. âUh, er, oh,
the third thing is Iâm not having my roomies think Iâm dating a
Goth. You have to look normal for them.â
âJen, if I
can stay soft around you, Iâve got a nineteen inch long dick, and
you want to feed me until my balls get back to ten pounds apiece. Iâm
not going to look normal.â
âSweetie, I said youhad to look normal. Your wiener can be its usual, jaw-dropping,
eye-popping, mouth-watering self. Now, letâs compromise: you put on
your Goth camouflage, and grab a pair of sweats from your roomie. You
can come over to the apartment in steath mode, but once youâre over
here, I want your package on display. The girls will flip out.â
Jenâs voice sounded like she would brook no argument.
âOkay. Thatâs
fair.â Iâm
not about to say no to a girl who is not only crazy about my big
cock, but who wants to help keep my balls nice and full. Especially
not when she looks like Jen.âWhen will you be here?â
âSweetie pie, if
it wasnât stupid to talk on the cell and drive, Iâd already be
there. Iâm sitting in my car on my campus right now. It will be
like, ten minutes, tops. Will you meet me outside, or should I come
in and help you lug that monster down the stairs?â
Ten minutes?
Fuck! Iâm naked and Iâve got a laundry bag with a gallon of cum
in it to get rid of. Crap! Do I have some homework to do?âTen minutes should be fine, Jen. Iâll be waiting. I canât wait
to see you.â
âThereâs a lotof stuff I canât wait for, sweetie. See you soon!â Jen hung up
the phone. Chris sprung into action, as best he could with a massive
limp penis and two huge balls swinging between his legs. He grabbed
the bag and carried it over to the sink in the room. OK,
this is more than a gallon.He turned on the hot water fairly high, and started to pour the
sticky, gloppy mass of jizz down the drain. He thought that he was
about to clog the sink several times, but finally the entire load of
cum had drained away. Chris turned the bag inside out and scrubbed
the semen off the fabric, then hung it on the towel rack to dry. He
looked at the clock and panicked. Shit!
Do I have time to stuff myself into some spandex? He
waddled across the floor, his huge package slapping against his legs
with each step. Chris grabbed the spandex he had worn earlier and
began maneuvering himself back into the garment. At
least this one is stretched out a bit. Not quite as hard to get into
the second time.Once his manhood was restrained by the spandex, Chris pulled on a
shirt, then stepped into his baggy black pants, and hooked the
suspenders over his shoulders. He put back on his shoes, and started
for the door.
Wait a minute!
Damn!Chris opened Gregâs dresser guiltily and grabbed another pair of
his roommateâs sweat pants. He then grabbed his laptop too. Iâm
not sure if Iâll actually get any time to work on homework, but
itâs the thought that counts. Speaking of thoughtsâŚChris
grabbed another of the laundry bags, too. Chris stepped out of the
room and immediately almost ran into Javier.
⢠⢠â˘
Part 64.
âHey, man! Howâs
it hanging?â Javier greeted him exuberantly, grabbing Chrisâs
free hand in a shake while clasping his shoulder with his own free
arm. Javier was wearing a tight white T-shirt which showcased his
muscles through the thin material, and a pair of skin-tight jeans
whose button fly was strained over his prominent bulge. âI havenât
seen you around. Iâve seen bothyour roomates, though, man. That shitâs rough.â He adjusted his
package unselfconsciously. âI thought I could satisfy the ladies,
but that Terry? Damn! Greg could catch some tail too, if he was
interested. Am I right?â Javier playfully punched Chris in the arm.
âI thought my roommate had it bad. He only has to live with oneguy all the girls are drooling over.â Javier paused at Chrisâs
expression. âHey, man, I didnât mean nothing by it. I was just
kidding. Is Greg here? We were supposed to meet up after class.â
Chris made a
conscious effort to wipe the impatient look from his face. âSorry,
Javier. I donât know where Greg is. Iâm not angry. Iâm just
late. Iâm supposed to be meeting my girlfriend.â Chris blurted
the last sentence out without thinking, and Javierâs face broke
into a surprised smile.
âNo shit, man?
Hell, you work almost as fast as Terry! Lemme get out of your way,
Chris. Iâm sure youâd rather be hanging with your girl than
standing around in the hall with me.â He patted Chris on the
shoulder as he let him pass. âGo get her, bro.â
Chris waddled down
the stairs with his thick flaccid cock and big balls snugly held by
his spandex underpants. While his nuts were still huge in comparison
to anyone elseâs, his recent session had drained them
substantially, and they didnât sway and bounce nearly as much as
they had going up the stairs. Plus, the anticipation of seeing Jen
again was lending speed to his step.
That Javier is
pretty friendly for a guy I only met once in the showers. He seems
cool, though. I feel kinda bad for him in a way. I guess he got used
to being âbigâ, and then came to school here. It seems like word
has really gotten out about Terryâs size. Itâs too bad he doesnât
have any more cream. It would be cool to help Javier get up to about
Terryâs size, so he didnât have to feel self-conscious about it.
Not my size though. I wanna be the biggest around. I donât want
anybody even getting closeto my size. Probably for the best that I used up all the cream.
Chris stepped
outside and saw Jen getting out of her car at the curb. âJen! Hey,
Jen!â He waved at her and she waved back. âIâm coming!â Chris
started to run, then quickly caught himself. No
more running with this monster.He settled for quickening his pace down the sidewalk towards her. As
he did, she walked around the side of her car and waited for him.
When Chris drew near, she spread her arms eagerly.
âHey, sweetie!
What took you so long?â Jen wrapped her arms around his neck and
pulled him to her in a kiss. Chris responded by grabbing her around
the waist, almost dropping his laptop in the process. Their mouths
opened and her kiss grew into a protracted affair, their tongues
lapping together. Jensâ arms released their hold on his neck, and
moved down to wrap around his waist, then his butt. Her arms pulled
him tight against her, and Jen ground her pelvis against his massive
cock and balls. âOoooh, I missed this sooo much,â she gasped out
after their lip lock.
Chris could feel
himself already start to harden. âI thought we were going to watch
me get bigger at your place.â
His hands, contradicting his words, sought out her firm, curvy butt
and pulled her tight against his groin. Jenâs moist mouth sought
out his for another long kiss, exploring his mouth with her tongue.
She finally pulled out of the kiss and breathed softly into his ear,
flicking his earlobe with her hot, pink tongue.
âWe are. I was
just saying hello.â She continued to grind her pelvis against
Chris, his anaconda starting to strain against the spandex as it
swelled. She abruptly pushed him back firmly, though not rudely.
Chrisâs slightly hard rod pressed against the baggy pants, his
semi-erection quite visible. âI just wanted to point out that if I wantedto parade you around, it would be pretty easy to do, no matter what
disguise you wore.â She smiled sweetly at him and batted her
lashes. âNow, would you like to show that boner off to all the
boys, or get in the car?â
Sheâs got me
there.Chris put his laptop, sweats, and bag in the back seat, then
struggled to get seated in the front. His huge rod, though not
anywhere near maximum size, was preventing him from getting a
comfortable position. Jen giggled at his predicament, then helped him
slide the seat back to where he could, at least, sit down without
discomfort. âGive me a little more time and weâd have to tie your
monster down to the roof like a Christmas tree, Chris.â
âNot really. Iâd
just get in the back seat and let it ride up here with you,â he
replied, laughing. This time, Jen drove back to her apartment at a
more sensible speed. They pulled in to a parking spot, and Jen helped
Chris get his stuff out of the back seat, along with her own
messenger bag. She looked at the laundry bag and gave Chris a
questioning glance.
âTo avoid soaking
your sheets like last night,â he explained.
âOh, good. I was
thinking that you were sorely mistaken if you were hoping to get me
to do your laundry. You didnât bring it; and itâs not happening
anyway.â
âNo, nothing like
that. Iâm thinking that I probably need to help youwith laundry tonight, considering what happened last night. Now, how
am I going to get up to the room?â Chris pointed at his erection,
which, although nowhere near its full size, was pressing visibly
against the baggy black pants, creating a large tent in the fabric.
âEasy-peasey,
sweetie pie. We just cuddle on the way up.â Jen fitted action to
words, and pressed her pert butt against his shaft, wrapping his arms
around her. Chris could feel his monster stirring again, growing and
straining against the spandex confinement.
âUh, Jen? I donât
know how long thatâs gonna work. You feel a little too good for me
to stay calm.â Plus,
if this spandex gets much tighter, my eyes are going to start bugging
out.
âWell, then, weâd
better just hurry.â Jenâs curvy ass bounced against his rod all
the way into the elevator. Chris groaned in discomfort once they were
there, leaning back against the wall and trying to adjust his pants
to give him just a little more room. His fat python was at least
twenty four inches long now and had grown well past his right knee.
The thick shaft was clearly outlined, even in the previously baggy
pants.
âWhat are we going
to do about Tasha and Kimber? I donât want to have dinner with them
at full mast.â
âAw, I was hoping
to use it as a sideboard for the buffet.â She patted his penis
fondly. âYou hustle into my room as soon as we get in. Iâll run
interference. Iâll have to start dinner; itâs my night to cook.
While Iâm doing that, you can let off some pressure in the bedroom,
okay? When you get yourself back down to a size appropriate for
polite company, put on your sweats and come out. Iâll tell Tasha
and Kimber you had some homework you had to knock out first.â
âUh, Jen, if I
jerk off more, Iâm gonna be even hungrier. I donât know if you
really realize how much I need to eat to keep myself stoked. Itâs
not normal.â Chrisâs stomach rumbled, reminding him. The elevator
doors opened and Jen jumped in front of him again, mashing her butt
into his groin. He sighed with pleasure and wrapped his arms around
her waist.
âSweetie, Iâve
delivered pizza for you before. Iâve got gobs of pasta and bread,
plus plenty of side dishes, and desert. Thereâs a load of snacks in
the cupboard, plus we just bought ice cream last night. If all fails,
I can always order more pizza. Trust me, those big balls of yours are
gonna be as full as I can possibly get them.â She opened her door
and pushed Chris towards her bedroom as she hopped into the living
room in front of Tasha and Kimber, dropping her messenger bag and
Chrisâs bundle. âWeâre here! Lemme get dinner started. I hope
you guys like baked spaghetti!â
Chris waddled down
the hall, his growing rod preventing him from bending his right leg.
He heard the girls behind him as he stepped into Jenâs room.
âWhereâs Chris
going?â asked Tasha.
âYeah, whatâs
his rush? He didnât even say âHiâ,â Kimber complained.
âHe has some
homework he has to jump right on,â Jen explained. âIt has to be
submitted tonight, so he needed to get it taken care of immediately.
Heâs gonna tackle it with both hands, and then he will be able to
relax and have dinner with us.â
Chris shut the door
behind him, cutting off their voices. He kicked off his shoes and
nearly tore off his pants, desperate to get the too-snug spandex off
his protesting prick. He finally was able to shuck off the spandex
and his dick sprung up enthusiastically, rapidly ballooning to its
full colossal size now that it was free of the fabric prison. Chris
walked across the room to Jenâs closet, his monstrous pole bobbing
with each step, and grabbed first one, then a couple, of her towels. Ah,
Iâm doing laundry anyway.He seated himself comfortably on her bed and, wrapping the towel over
his cock head, began to stroke himself eagerly. Wait
a minute. Iâm forgetting something. Chris
laid back and reached into Jenâs bedside table, grabbing a bottle
of Astroglide. He opened it and began squirting it liberally all over
his tremendous shaft. Only
the best for the biggest.Once his entire girth was coated with the lube, Chris clasped his
cock with both hands and began stroking himself even more
enthusiastically. Man!
Iâm so horny! Itâs beenâŚless than half an hour, actually. I
guess I just need it more now. Feels soooo good.He abandoned himself to the pleaure, immersing himself in his task.
He didnât hear the girls talking in the other room.
⢠⢠â˘
Part 65.
Jen was working on
her baked spaghetti as she lectured her roommates. âLook, this is
really important. Chris is self-conscious about his appearance. Heâs
at a new school in a new city, and he doesnât want to stand out. I
donât want you guys making a big deal about it, OK?â
âWait? He doesnât
want to stand out, but he dresses like a Goth with those huge baggy
pants?â, objected Kimber. I thought that was the point of Goth
wear, to stand out as a Goth. I mean, itâs pretty obvious,
especially âcause heâs Asian. Iâve never seen a Goth Asian guy
before.â
âYeah. I never
though I would see you dating a Goth. I though you said they reminded
you of Eddie Munster.â Tasha chimed in, helpfully.
âHeâs nota Goth! He wears those big baggy pants to hide the fact that
heâsâŚHeâsâŚHe isâŚâ Jen was at a loss as to how to explain
this delicately.
âHeâs what?â,
asked Tasha.
âArrrgh! He has a
really big penis, okay?â Jen just blurted it out. Both Kimber and
Tasha perked up immediately. âHis whole package is gigantic, all
right? Itâs like freakishly, unbelievably massive. He wears the
baggy pants to hide the fact that heâs huge.â
She focused on preparing the food and tried to avoid their gaze,
blushing furiously.
âI knew it!â
Tasha jumped around the kitchen. âI knew you liked guys that were
totally hung! Whenever we were watching porn, you always acted like
you werenât staring when the really big studs were on screen, but I knewyou were staring at them. So, Chris is hung like those guys? Wow! Do
you think he would let us see it?â
Kimber grabbed a
kitchen towel and snapped it at Tashaâs butt. âWould you shut up?
Just because you are fixated on pics and videos doesnât mean that
everyone is. Anyway, you would know that Jen had a thing for
well-endowed guys if you ever listened to her talk about Todd.â
âWho?â, asked
Tasha, rubbing her butt.
âTodd, the guy she
dated when she was a senior in high school. Jen complains about what
a spineless creep he was, but she dated him all year. She said he was
âpretty bigâ more than once, so she must have been willing to put
up with him for that. Is Chris as big as Todd was, Jen?â
Jen snorted out
loud. âHa! As if! Chris is over twice as big soft as Todd ever was,
hard!â Am
I really that transparent about my size fetish? I thought I hid it
pretty well.
âHang on, that
doesnât make sense.â Tasha scrunched up her face, remembering.
âWhen we were partying Friday before last, you said that your ex
was almost nine inches. If Chris is twice as big soft,
he would be eighteen inches long before he had a hard on. Did you
mean that Chris is twice as big hardas Todd was soft? No, that doesnât sound very impressive. Iâm
confused.â
There was no way
around it. Jen bit the bullet. âI meant what I said. Chris is over
twice as big softas Todd was hard. Heâs nineteen inches.â
Both Tasha and
Kimber erupted in unison. âNo freaking way!â
âYou have to be
kidding. Thatâs impossible,â said Kimber, shaking her head.
âPics or it didnât
happen!â, cried Tasha.
âNo! No pics! No
questions! No staring! â Jen waved the wooden spoon in warning. âI
told you; heâs really shy about this. I donât want to have to
smuggle him past you guys each time we come in. Heâs going to come
out here and have dinner and hang out with us. Nobodyâs taking
pictures of him, orvideo, Tasha, and nobodyâs posting about it on their blog, or
Facebook, or Twitter. I mean it, Kimber. If you make one tweet about
this, I will never forgive you.â She took a deep breath. âI like
Chris, and I want him to feel like he can be himself with me, and not
put on an act like he has to on campus, okay?â
Both girls
reluctantly nodded their acquiescence. Oh,
crap. I forgot to mention the other thing. Jen turned back to her
roommates.
âThereâs just
one other thing.â
âWhat now?â
cried Kimber.
âHe has twothings?!?â exclaimed Tasha, shortly before Kimber snapped the towel
at her again.
âChris not only
has a really big penis, but his testicles are really big, too. They
are large normally, but when he hasnât âexpressedâ himself for
a while, they get enormous.
Please donât tease him about it, okay?â She looked to her
roommates for their agreement.
It's just a mask...you can do all sorts of crazy things with netmasks. The results of using "unusual" ones is not typically predictable or desireable to those who might accidentally use them.